I was reading my post about hopes for 2009 and that it was going to be a year of BIG changes for me. Well, boy was it. The biggest, most significant, and change that trumps all others was the unexpected loss of my mom. I must say that it was the most traumatic and horrible thing I could imagine happening. She died of pneumonia that she had contracted while getting chemo treatments for breast cancer, which was only diagnosed 2 months prior to her death. So, yeah…very shocking and sudden. I have such a wonderful family. We all just helped take care of each other and somehow, we made it through the storm. So, now it’s been over a year and I still think of her many times per day, have my moments where I breakdown, but on the whole have managed my grief pretty well. Of course, other than stuffing my face and gaining a bunch of weight! Sometimes I think that she might be disappointed that we were all able to keep going on with our lives and manage to be happy, but that’s silly because I KNOW that that’s all she ever wanted for all of us is to be happy and live fulfilling lives. I just hope that I can continue to live my life in a way that would make her proud. Cheers to you, Mom…I miss you and love you!

2010 brought changes with it as well. I bought a house in February. James and I  looked for about 5 weeks before we found the perfect house for us. I love my little house. It’s so perfect for us. I never imagined I’d be able to buy a house on my own, but I did…and it was a personal goal I had. I wish mom could have been around to see it…she would have been proud!

In April last year, James and I finally got hitched! We got married in Vegas in the desert at sunset. It was absolutely beautiful. Our closest friends and family were there to celebrate with us. It was such a happy day. James and I have been getting settled into married life. I feel like I’m still trying to get the house the way I want. Need to paint, put things on walls, etc. I suppose that never ends, though.

My mother-in-law had an extended stay with us in the fall, about 2 and a half months while she was between residences. Wished it could have been shorter, but glad it wasn’t longer. That’s all I have to say about that.

We went to New Mexico and Colorado for Thanksgiving. That was fun. It was good to get out of town, visit with James’s family, whom I love dearly and just relax. I was going to try skiing for the first time ever. We drove up to Telluride and Mountain Village. It was gorgeous!!! I truly love the mountains, but how the heck do they build infrastructure up there!!!????  Anyway, I wasn’t able to make it up to ski. I had 2 issues. For one, my boots were too tight and I thought my feet were going to fall off. Secondly, I had a bad case of altitude sickness. So, on top of those two problems and just being out of shape, I wasn’t a pretty sight. I was born below sea level…I don’t think I was made to be physically active at 10k plus feet!

For our first Christmas as a married couple, we spent it at home (mainly because I had to work). My father-in-law came to spend it with us and we had some friends over for Christmas dinner. It was fabulous! I also found out that I can make pretty good dressing on my own without a recipe!

So, a new year begins. With the new year, we have new goals. James and I have started Weight Watchers and joined a gym. We both need to get healthy. I’ll be 35 this year and the biological clock is ticking VERY loudly. We want to start a family, but need to get ourselves into shape first. I’m hoping for a happy, healthy year of positive changes. I’m also changing positions, and will go back to patient care in the next month. I’m looking forward to that, too!

Happy New Year!

I had a good weekend, though.  Some Mondays I still feel so drained, but I went to work feeling very refreshed today.  Maybe because I spent plenty of time outside this weekend.  

Saturday started off with my golf lesson.  There was no class last week, and I never made it out to the driving range to practice.  So, I had little expectation that I would hit any decent shots or remember my form.  I ended up surprising myself. 

I made consistent contact with the ball, actually got some loft on some shots, and was hitting balls farther and straighter than I have ever done in the past.  I was quite pleased with myself.  I’m excited about getting back to the driving range to practice.  A little positive reinforcement never hurts! 

After golf, James and I headed out to Inks Lake near Burnet for a day/night of camping with friends.  I haven’t been camping since I was a child.  I had no part in the preparation back then.  I was just shoved into the car and told not to wander too far.  So, Friday night, I had a bit of a freak out.  No idea what to bring, how much to bring, etc.  I used some common sense and gathered up some supplies.  James and our friends had most everything under control anyhow.

We got to the park around 2pm before our friends.  The site we reserved had water and a power outlet.  I was surprised how close all the campsites were together.  I was expecting something a little more remote and secluded.  James and I set up our little tent and I went to work setting up the pads and sleeping bags inside.  When our friends arrived, they had a big 5 man tent, air matress, and space heater.  They camp in style!

After we set up, we hung out for a while.  We then sent the boys off for S’mores supplies and firewood.  We made burgers and dogs on the fire pit, had our s’mores and some wine.  Then James read some from Tucker Max’s book “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell”. 

What???  Were you expecting me to say we were reading from Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass????

Back to the literary genius of Tucker Max…I had to ask James to censor some of the language because there were lots of kids in earshot.  The last thing I wanted was a confrontation with a pissed off dad.  So, the Tucker Max reading was short and we then retired to our tents. 

It was in the 40’s during the night, but not too bad.  Just dressed warm and buried myself in my sleeping bag and I was fine.  The next morning brought the sun and the annoying call of a bird James said was a dove.  Whatever it was, I remember that call and remember it well.  I will never forget that bird’s call.  It kept me up every morning I tried to sleep when I worked nights as a nurse in the ICU. 

So, we made some breakfast tacos over the fire, packed up and headed out about 10am.  We went to the Longhorn Caverns for a tour.  They were once the site of a hide out for outlaw Sam Bass.  All in all a very good weekend. 

I’ll post some pictures when I get them downloaded.

James will be moving in at some point, over the course of the next few months. We’ve already started preparations for that. I’ve begun purging my apartment, little by little, to accommodate his stuff. Today, James put together a new computer for me, which will become our ‘media center’ for the living room. I’m actually using it to post now, as my laptop is in need of repair. We rearranged some furniture in my bedroom yesterday and measured spaces for a corner desk for him and a dresser. IKEA here we come!

Some of this gives me a bit of anxiety. Not that he’s moving in, but more so that my apartment is small and the longer I’ve been here, the more crowded it has become. I’ve very tempted to get a small storage room, but we have time for that.

Of course, we’ll be getting married at some point this year, as well. We’re thinking fall, small and Vegas. I’m not in any rush to set a date yet. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready to be married…very much so. There are just some complicating factors in the picture right now that I’m praying will work themselves out before then.

We’ll be starting to house hunt by the end of the year, too. I’m ready to get out of the apartment now, so I can’t imagine how ready I’ll be 10 months from now! I look online on occasion, but I start getting antsy, so I try to limit that.

I’ve been in a rut the past few months. My new job is thoroughly stressful, and instead of coping with it in a healthy way, I did quite the opposite. So, rather than exercise and eat right, I turned to the couch, television, and the Walgreen’s candy isle for comfort. As a result, I packed on the pounds that I had worked so hard to get rid of for the previous year and half. Of course, that just made things worse. So, over the past week, I’ve started to turn around my attitude. I cut out the sugar, but that’s just a baby step. I’ll be going back to Weight Watchers this week to make a fresh start. This week has been good without the sugar. Of course, I’ve had intense cravings, I’ve had to watch James eat a pint of our favorite Ben and Jerry’s flavor, and leftover Christmas candy, but I held firm. Time to get back to the gym, too.

I started a beginner golf class at ACC this weekend. We didn’t have any practice this weekend, just reviewed the class, talked about basic rules/ettiquette, terminology, clubs, etc. Of to the course next weekend to practice chipping. I’m looking forward to it. I’m ready to know how to play!

We’ll be going to Louisiana in a month to celebrate my grandmother’s 80th birthday with the whole family. We’re also toying with the idea of a trip to Orlando the last weekend of February. James’s buddy and his wife live near Orlando and we visited them a couple of years ago. Airfare is cheap that weekend, so why not? Our previously talked about trip to Japan is on hold until next year because we’re trying to save for a house. We’ll get to Japan eventually. I just want a HOUSE in the worst way!

That’s about it for now. I hope to be posting more now that I have a working computer!

So, yeah…it’s been a long time since my last post.  Two months.  James and I are finally engaged.  YAY!  So, we’re getting closer to our elusive dream of marriage and home ownership.  I’ve been reading lots of blogs about infertility lately.  It’s sad, but some of them seem so self-indulgent.  When I read them and start thinking that way, I have to stop myself.  I’m not experiencing the pain and sadness and loss that these women have been for months and years.  And, it’s possible that one day, that could be my cross as well. 

By the time we’re ready to start a family, I’ll be about 35…also known as ‘advanced maternal age’ in obstetrics.  A lot of these blogs are written by late twenty-somethings who have been married for 4-5 years.  That doesn’t seem like procrastination to me. 

I haven’t procrastinated.  Well, maybe I did a little.  I spent most of my 20’s hoping Mr. Right would find me instead of actually putting myself out there.  When I actually started making an effort, it didn’t take me long to find James…the missing piece to my puzzle.  :-) 

And, I wouldn’t say we’re procrastinating now.  We dated for 2 years before getting engaged.  I think that’s an appropriate amount of time.  And, we’re planning on getting married next fall sometime.  I just signed another lease on the apartment, so we’ll be here until February 28th 2010.  *sigh*  That’s five years in my apartment…and it’s LONG enough! 

I want to raise a child in a settled, permanent environment.  Even when I moved in here, in my mind, it was just temporary.  I just needed time to get my financial house in order.  Hmmm…it’s taken longer than I expected!  So, I don’t see this as procrastination, I see this as a time of preparation.  Who knows what’s in the cards for us, I just want to be ready when the time is right.

The new job is going very well.  I’m learning a lot and I think I’ve adjusted okay so far.  Keeping very busy.  We had a slow week this past week, so I was able to go out and do some marketing visits.  Strange.  I’ve never been much of a ’spokesperson’ or salesman, so this is quite an unusual thing for me.  I’ll just keep doing what I know.  Smile and be friendly.  :-)  Everyone has accepted me with open arms and it feels good to be so productive. 

I’m loving the SNL Sara Palin skits.  I think Tina Fey is a total riot.  I may even start watching 30 Rock.  She’s just so dead on.  She does a better Sara Palin than Sara Palin. 

My brother and his wife are finally back in town.  I’ve had them over for dinner a couple times since they are staying in a tiny extended stay hotel for the time being.  They’ll move into their house this week sometime.  I can’t wait to see it!

I’m going back to Weight Watchers this week.  I’ve been thinking about it for a while and really need to get started back again.  So, tomorrow…I’ll be going to a meeting. 

So, that being said, I’m about to have some ice cream.  Mwhahahahahaha!

I remember how excited I was when I got the job with this company.  But, the excitement soon passed, the real work began and on came the stress.  I’m sure this will also happen with my new position.  It’s not that I’m a pessimist, it’s just that’s how these things generally progress.  

I’m not big on change.  I’m a very routine oriented individual.  I am happy, though…and very, very ready for this one.  I cried when I was saying my goodbye’s on Wednesday.  It was sad, but I was fine and jubilently proclaiming I was unemployed on Thursday and Friday.  So, Monday I start the new job…FINALLY!!!!

Thursday, one of the girls from work sent me an email.  It was a radio program she had listened to when she left one of her jobs.  It was about this woman who had some interesting thoughts on the word quit and quitting in general.  She said something to the effect that quitting is nothing to be frowned upon…but, in fact quits are the driving force of everything we do that’s good.  Everything new starts with quitting something ‘old’, for the most part. 

http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=7

I did browse the site and listed to some of the old ‘This American Life’ programs recorded…I must say, very interesting.  I’m a fan.

Ode to Chocolate

Oh, Chocolate, so delicious and so smooth…
In times of strife, how you have the power to soothe.

In varieties of milk, dark, semi-sweet, and white…
I love thee so much, that extra pounds are my plight.

In forms of ice cream, cakes, pies, and more…
The quest to obtain you is never a chore.

How I am trapped by the bondage of this addiction…
What an enjoyment you are, never the affliction.